Step 1: Get fed up…literally

30 Jul

In retrospect, I wasn’t always a fatass. Ok, maybe I was.

As a kid, I was physically active, sometimes thin, often curvy, but ALWAYS the object of my family’s judgement. Do I blame them? No, not really. My parents are immigrants who generally walked the fine line between “finish your plate there are children starving in Africa” and “stop eating so much or you’ll get fat and nobody will ever marry you.” This polarized attitude about food led to my eating issues at a very early age. I remember sneaking food at the tender age of 8 and hoping I wouldn’t get caught. I think my parents meant well, and were only trying to avoid the very food issues I developed, but in an age devoid of boisterous health organizations, they didn’t really know any better.

306306_10151224282149607_1220704931_n Senior year of high school, at 170 lbs, I thought I was terribly obese…

By the time I was in high school I was about 150 lbs and though I felt comfortable with that, at a size 7 or 9 in Junior’s clothing, I was FAT. My family told me I was FAT, magazines told me I was FAT, and so at 15 I began my lifelong addiction to diets. I clearly remember that as a high school sophomore, after my grandmother had lovingly passed on the “cabbage soup diet,” I was sent to school with a thermos full of the most disgusting soup I’ve ever eaten. It was humiliating. And so from the time I was 15, poor body image and eating habits, plus yo-yo dieting gave me an extra 10 lbs a year.  Before I even finished high school I had dabbled in Weight Watchers, the Zone Diet, Slim-Fast, the orange juice fast, cabbage diets, and a variety of other scam-ish ways to lose weight including OTC diet and caffeine pills.

I could go on and on describing how I put on and lost 10, 20, 30 and even 40 lbs, but each time it all came back and with a vengeance. Until,  at 29 years old, after a particularly difficult hospital stay for kidney stones, my weight climbed to it’s highest. It’s SO hard to type this number. Because I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d reach it…and what I wouldn’t give to go back to the 150 lbs of high school….285. It was the magic number that changed my life.

 288448_10151047294751221_2029388608_oSummer 2012, hovering at 275 lbs

It was the number that made me realize that I couldn’t just try another diet (including Proti-Thin, Medically Supervised, B12 shots, Atkins, South Beach…really, do I have to go on at this point?). 285 was the number where I got Fed Up.

It was the number that made me Google bariatric surgeons. It was the number that held the pen as I signed consent forms. It was the number on the medical chart that was passed from the psychiatrist to the phlebotomist to the sonographer. It is my boiling point.

So I’m Fed Up. I’ve made a lot of horrible food choices. Fueled by destructive cycles of emotional eating, food addiction and compulsion as well as a basic ignorance of good nutrition habits, I fed myself to 285 lbs and I’ll be damned if the scale moves up any further.

So, I’ve had my first visit, I’ve got an Esophegeal Manometry and Nutritionist Consult to go before it’s all sent off to insurance for approval. I’m so thankful that I’ve recently gotten a new job where I have phenomenal insurance that covers the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy at 100%.

This blog is a journey to remove the stigma of bariatric surgery as a treatment for obesity. Obesity is a disease. Bariatric Surgery is a treatment for that disease. Get over it. During my pre-op psych consult, I admitted that I’m doing this to finally be on the outside the person I feel like on the inside. This is such a huge lifestyle change and I’m so excited to begin it.

There’s so much more of this journey that I’m going to have to document. But this is Step 1. I’m Fed Up and I’m doing something about it.

gettingreadytolindsay

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One Response to “Step 1: Get fed up…literally”

  1. themexcellentcook July 30, 2013 at 5:06 pm #

    That first step is the most important one! Congratulations…you will love what the sleeve will do for you!

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